Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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