You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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