At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Randomize
