My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
