member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
oh god was she eating orange peels again
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
