He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
