Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
