every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize