First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
