First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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