Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Randomize
