And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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