My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
