I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
