peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Randomize
