Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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