how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
