I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize