I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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