My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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