So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
