i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
