I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
