So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
