dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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