I'm laying in your front yard are you home
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
