How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
