I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Randomize
