someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
