My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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