trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
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