I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Its about making memories worth repressing
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
