Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
