last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
