Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
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