we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
