why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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