apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
