Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
