if you like me you must not know who I am
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
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