i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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