marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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