i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
