Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I intend to get homeless drunk
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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