I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Randomize
