How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
