I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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