she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
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