He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
