If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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