Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
