i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize