I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Randomize