I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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