Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
