Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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