It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
