so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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