its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize