I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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