Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
