Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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