I hope mine doesn't look like that
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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