You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
