my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize