I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
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