i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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