She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
