At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
This is classic penis vs brain.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
