uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
