Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
