i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
