meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
