Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
