I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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