im about as happy as oj after his trial
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
