I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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