I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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