I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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