You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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