I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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