Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize