Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
you never un-have a 4some
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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