well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
