2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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