what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Randomize