i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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