its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Fuck appropriateness.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
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