gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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