If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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