Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
