she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Randomize
