I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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