You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
