filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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