connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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