I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
