woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
