I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Randomize
