we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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