I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
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