Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
