I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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