the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
