I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
This toilet bowl is my home.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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