i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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